Is Depression actually Anger turned inward?

A lot of people say that depression is just anger turned inward. While I would not say that is the only thing that causes depression, it might be what starts some cases and anger definitely brings down someone who already has depression.

I can’t tell you exactly when my depression started, but I am now aware that I carry a lot of “pent-up” anger. I’m angry about a lot of things I don’t want to share, but I will tell you a few things that angers and saddens me every time I think about them.

I grew up as the oldest child in a poverty level home. Our low-income caused a lot of anxiety because we had to move every two years (or more often). The “new” residence was often in worse condition than the last. I’m old enough to remember party-line telephones, but we often didn’t have that luxury. We had an “outhouse” instead of an indoor bathroom at most of these houses and other children always made fun of our “second-hand” or “hand-me-down” clothes.

To make matters worse, my parents separated when I was twelve. I had four siblings at the time and the youngest was only two. Instead of fighting to keep us, Mom left and went to live with her parents — 200 miles away. I remember Dad hiring someone to watch us, but I honestly don’t recall if she worked more than two months. This left me as a substitute mother by the time I was thirteen. Dad came home from work as early as possible, but I was still “in charge” for at least one hour every day after school and usually half a day on Saturday.

You might not believe it, but that is not the worst part! I sometimes wonder if I would have fared better mentally if Mom had stayed “200 miles away” and we only visited her 2-3 times a year. But, that isn’t what happened. She came back in July of my thirteenth year. The reunion apparently didn’t work out, because she only stayed until Christmas break. This repeated the next year and the next. My maternal grandmother died sometime during my fourteenth year, but I don’t even remember if Mom was with us or with her. When I was sixteen, Mom came back and stayed a whole year. During this time, we moved to Missouri for 2-3 months and then moved back to the same house we had left in Kentucky by Christmas. Mom had a sixth child three months after I turned seventeen (my b-day is in February if you’re wondering). Before long, maybe as early as July, Mom took my newest sister to Grandpa’s house and stayed there for at least six months.

If you’re wondering where I’m going with this, I’ll stop here and tell you. I’m angry with Dad and Mom because of their divorce and because I had to become a “Mom” at thirteen. I also feel like Mom abandoned me — not once, but several times! It hurt me every time she left. Even after I thought I forgave her, I was still angry with life itself. When my mother died last year, it took me a while to realize why I felt “abandoned.” It took two or three months for me to even admit I was angry at her, angry with her being gone again!


I am sincerely sorry there was another Spam post on my blog. I didn’t see it until a couple of days ago. I “Trashed” the post this morning. This makes me so angry! I started another blog and I’m seriously considering moving all posts below.

While I’m thinking about that, here is a short post I wrote in January this year. My mother-in-law passed away in May which means life is weirder and even more overwhelming now.


January 2014

A lot happened since my last post.

My husband’s brother passed away on Dec. 18th, exactly one week before Christmas. He was only 58 and their mother’s (my mother-in-law) main caretaker.

Due to his death and my mother-in-law’s bad health, we took her to the Emergency Room on Dec. 20th. The hospital admitted her and we learned she had a minor case of pneumonia. We told nurses she needed to go to a nursing home which means they had to keep her for three days.

The hospital released her on Dec. 24th and we took her to a nursing home . It wasn’t the one she wanted, but she was 1st or 2nd on the list for it.

After enjoying Christmas day with my family, we started making phone calls to my mother-in-law’s desired nursing home and finally transferred her there on Dec. 31st.

We have to drive 45 minutes to see her now, but we visited 3-4 times in the week-and-a-half since then. We also have the duty of cleaning out their house and believe me when I say, they kept absolutely everything!

2014 Can Be Your Best Year Yet

Amazing 2014

2014 Can Be Your Best Year Yet

I have terrific news. The 2014 Creating Your Amazing Year Workbook from Leonie Dawson is out!

The 2014 Create Your Amazing Year workbook & calendar is an incredibly popular & useful tool to help you plan out & make happen your most incredible year in life or business (or both!). Over the last five years, thousands of women have used this workbook with the most amazing results. It’s the best planning tool available to help you make your year your most exceptional yet!

Used by entrepreneurs, artists, mamas, creatives, coaches, teachers and women of all ages, the Create Your Amazing Year in Life and Biz workbooks are filled with dozens of pages of powerful worksheets & a printable calendar to help you create your amazing new year.

I used the 2013 version and it helped me more than you can imagine. Please click on the link above to buy a copy of the best planner + workbook combination I have ever seen!


Do you “Play” The Sims 2 or The Sims 3?

There is a decent reason I have only posted once in October 2013 for this blog: I have another blog with two October 2013 posts on it (so far). It’s called Addicted to The Sims or Sims 2 & 3 for short. There, I am telling fellow “Simmers” how-to build a Sim house (or lot) from a “real life” house plan.

Explaining how to do something isn’t easy, but I think it’s worth the time and effort. These posts use my love for words, my Architectural Drafting abilities and the main reason I “play” The Sims 2 or 3 — to “build” lots. Oh, I sometimes create a Sim or a Sim family and play with them for a while, but I only have one “family” that I’ve stuck with for any length of time.

Please check out Addicted to The Sims and see lots of pictures. It tells you part of what I do with my spare time and/or as procrastination. Most of the time, I don’t see it as procrastination because it uses one or more of my abilities. Sometimes I use what I “learn” from “playing” The Sims 3 (mostly) and The Sims 2 in my stories and my posts are Writing, aren’t they?

Ranch Style Home -- 3 bedrooms & 2 bath

Ranch Style Home — 3 bedrooms & 2 bath


“How To Install a No B.S. Clause In Your Life!” | Leonie Dawson – Amazing Biz, Amazing Life

I told you several months ago I follow Leonie Dawson and her amazing insights into life, love and business. The link at the bottom will lead you to a simple idea that could help in all three!


Also, be sure to click on Business & Blog Success Workshop and Leonie’s main SHOP page.


“How To Install a No B.S. Clause In Your Life!” | Leonie Dawson – Amazing Biz, Amazing Life.




Leonie Dawson's 2013 planner

Leonie Dawson’s 2013 planner (Photo credit: cathredfern)



Write About Dragons?

I am taking part in a terrific writing class which is on-line and free. It’s called Write About Dragons. It’s taught by Brandon Sanderson who recently won two Hugo awards. Brandon has tons of knowledge to share and an excellent style of teaching. I hope some of you will join me in taking this class.

The measly 3,000-4,000 words I’ve posted for the forum is nowhere near the number I need. But, in my defense, these post are in addition to putting together a non-fiction book, managing  Owensboro Writers Group and editing a short story for the growing writers’ group (see “Owensboro Writers’ Group is famous“). My posts are science-fiction and fantasy. You can see them at, but I don’t know if you can read or critique them without joining the forum. If you do read and/or critique them, please comment below.

How many times has WordPress been hacked?

Hello, this is TheresaJewel and I just deleted a second “blog post” that was pure spam. It was supposedly written to ask you for donations by Dr. Nguyen Duc Kien, the Chairman of the Hanoi FC Vietnam. According to Wikipedia, Dr. Kien does exist, but why is he asking for funding when he has a “personal fortune estimated at over $90 million US dollars“?

I looked through a few of the proposed links and found this junk posted on the blog(s) of another person or two in addition to both of mine.

How do people keep hacking WordPress? What is it about WordPress that allows such easy access? I’m 99.9% sure no person figured out my new password, because I changed it to something I need to look up every time I sign in.

I decided to create a poll. This is for anyone with a blog, but I definitely want to hear from all WordPress users.

After you vote, I would love to hear from anyone who can tell me how to stop this. If I can’t stop it, I may go back to Blogger or my site.

Thank you for your advice.

Battling the Monsters – Rough Draft

I want to give you an example of what I’m writing about Anxiety and Depression. Its “working title” is Battling the Monsters because I was going to relate this battle with Dungeons and Dragons or another role-playing game. I’m typing this from my long-hand rough draft which means no polish or much, if any editing. But, I want some advice (comments or email) on how to improve it and make it publishable. I decided to make this piece a different color because I don’t know if there is a way to change fonts.

You’re in the airport with hundreds or maybe thousands of people around you. You feel crowded, closed in.

You think I can get through thisA few steps later, you can’t breathe and your heart is racing. You feel jittery and/or have a dry mouth. Maybe you find a chair or something else to sit on, but it doesn’t help. If anything, it makes you feel more claustrophobic.

What is happening to me? — you think or maybe say out loud. You start burning up (or freezing) and now your heart is beating so hard, you think you’re going to have a heart attack. You want out of there fast! 

It’s called a panic attack and it’s scary.

Panic attacks are caused by anxiety. Anxiety is the mind’s reaction to people, things and/or situations that frighten you. Your mind tells you to flee or fight and ignoring this advice usually makes the fear worse.

I used to have slightly milder forms of panic at the grocery store if I was shopping on a particularly busy day. And, I still refuse to shop on “Black Friday.” So you can probably guess how I felt at the airport mentioned above one day in 2010.


In this book, I will compare anxiety, depression and low self-esteem to monsters, dungeons and traps.

What can you do when you can’t run? In the case of an airport or any other large crowd (large by your definition),  you can run or walk quickly out the door. If there isn’t an exit nearby, find a bathroom and hide. Of course, if anyone is there with you, tell them where you’re going first. But, there is no shame in protecting yourself, even if you think, “The danger is all in my head.”

In future chapters, I plan to describe a problem, give it a label such as dungeon, trap or monster and explain how to fight or flee. I will also explain how you can use simple, every-day things as weapons and shields.


That’s just the Prologue or part of Chapter One. I do have more written, but this is a sample. Tell me if you would read it or, at least browse through it to see if I describe one or more problems you are having.

Owensboro Writers’ Group is famous.

I don’t think I’ve mentioned Owensboro Writers’ Group on this blog before, but it’s my baby and OWG (for short) made a splash in the local newspaper on July 7, 2013. If you live in or around Owensboro, Kentucky, you may have read our story in the LifeStyles section of the Messenger-Inquirer.

Owensboro, KY is better known for its BBQ Festival in May and the tremendous effort they have put into rebuilding the riverfront. But, Owensboro Writers’ Group is for writing, critiquing, sharing links and information, and general discussion concerning the multiple aspects of writing. I formed the group after I couldn’t find another writers’ group that satisfied my desire to meet every month. Our first meeting was in March 2008 and consisted of me and a couple of friends from the church I attend (UUCO).

Over the last five years we have grown from having several meetings where I was the only person to show up to having ten people twice in three months. We started At Books-A-Million, moved to Shoney’s Restaurant and now meet in the Public Meeting Room of the Daviess County Public Library.

In September 2010, my friend Suzanne Gochenouer started our website, Owensboro Writers Group with Writing On The River. A few months later, I started an Owensboro Writers Facebook page so that group members can share links there in addition to sending them out in emails or telling us in person.

Now, some people may wonder why it took me a week to write and post this. The previous paragraphs were written on the same day, but then I thought, I shouldn’t put this on my blog.I’m just bragging. I argued with myself for the entire week, but that didn’t stop me from posting it on our Facebook page (see above).

After a total of four new writers contacted me this week and all of them want to join Owensboro Writers’ Group, I decided I should post this. If you think I’m bragging, that’s okay. Maybe, just maybe, I have a right to brag. After all, I manage this group and with a little help, I kept it going for five years. The group has grown from three people to about twenty-seven. I hope it will keep going and growing for years to come.

English: Crowd during the Owensboro BBQ Festival.

English: Crowd during the Owensboro BBQ Festival. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

OUTLAWS (part one)

I decided to share some of my writing with the good folks at Write About Dragons. Below is a sample:


 I stood outside the border of the Southern Cheyenne reservation, readying my passes. The Cheyenne made no exceptions for whites without documents, not even black-whites as they called my darker race.

A young woman approached me and used sign language to ask for the pad. I knew enough Cheyenne to say, “Good day to you,” but she didn’t answer. Instead, she studied the passes, artfully done in Cherokee syllabary as well as being written in English and Spanish.

I signed to ask, “Where is your partner?” Indian border patrols tended to work in groups of two.

She signed, “Promise not to hurt me?”

“Yes,” I said in Cheyenne and also signed.

She motioned for me to follow her and I took the reins of my horse. A dozen steps down the trail, she pointed to a still form in the shade of a boulder.

Dear Lord, he’s in bad shape.”What happened?” I asked with sign language.

She made motions signifying a man about six feet tall with yellow hair holding a gun. With the imaginary gun, she shot toward the young man by her feet.

Oh, crap! That outlaw, Custer must be out again. The former general was found guilty of disobeying orders and war crimes after massacring hundreds of Lakota and Cheyenne at Little Big Horn. Custer was tried after thousands of people demanded an end to the slaughter of the natives. At his trial, he had the audacity to brag, “But I won!”


You can read more at It may require you to become a member, but it’s a very good critique group and I encourage you to join me.

“Get lost” Means “Go away.”

Daily Prompt: No, Thank You

If you could permanently ban a word from general usage, which one would it be? Why?

Oh, goody. The Daily Prompt gave me a chance to vent about a word I hate. I hereby ban the verbs Get and Got! 

Why? People use “Get” and “Got” so often it’s ridiculous. Consider the following:

  • I went to the store and got chips, pizza and sodas.
  • She’s getting a new pair of shoes.
  • I got to bed but couldn’t get to sleep.
  • We will get up in the morning and get breakfast.
  • Get me an order of fries.
  • He got a pair of fives.
  • Get lost.

How did you get chips, pizza and sodas? How did she get a pair of shoes? Whether bought, stole, or borrowed answers the question, use the more descriptive verb. Now, see my choices for some other sentences:

  • went to bed but couldn’t sleep.”
  • When we wake up in the morning, we will go out for breakfast.
  • Bring me an order of fries.

Now, let me tell you something. “He got a pair of fives” was extremely difficult to write without using has. This sentence sets off every grammar alarm I have! I  think “He has a pair of fives” is  just as easy to say and more understandable.

“Get lost” might be my one exception to the ban. I used it for part of a post title not too long ago. However, “Leave me alone” or “Go away” works just as well.

There are probably hundreds, if not thousands of uses for “get” and “got”, but you don’t usually see “gotten.” My guess is the people who use Get” and Got”, don’t want to waste the time it takes to say, “She has gotten a pair of shoes that didn’t fit.” Instead they would butcher it by saying, “She got a pair of shoes that didn’t fit.” Ow, my brain is going to explode. 

Challenge Accepted

The DPChallenge wants us to sharpen our writing by removing needless words. I chose to edit a paragraph from “How to Leave a Comment.”


Old Version

First, I will deal with leaving a comment. If you can’t leave your feedback on a blog’s main page (mine or anyone else’s), please click on a particular post. Each post has its own distinct link and you can always write a comment at the bottom. In order for your feedback to be accepted (at least on most blogs), you must supply a link to your website. A person who isn’t a member of must also give an email address on a WordPress blog.

New Version

Let’s discuss leaving a comment first. If you can’t remark on a blog’s main page, click on a title. Each heading has a distinct link and you “Reply” at the bottom. Supply your email address and website with your opinion.


My Feelings

There are 85 words in the “Old Version.” I surpassed my goal of halving that number with 40 in the “New Version.” The main question is if the shorter version is still “my style.” Yes, I would choose the shorter version if I were writing actual instructions instead of a blog post.

How depression feels

My husband and I are in the recovery stages of bronchitis (which is why I was absent for a few days). Sometime during this bout of a widely recognized illness, I thought about how it could be related to Depression. I had to type the following notes on my phone, but I decided to share them with you:

“Many people compare depression to having the flu. You do not feel like getting out of bed. You feel lethargic. You definitely do not want to go to work. 

“But, there is no shot for depression. There are no antibiotics to help. There are no sick days for depression and you definitely cannot call in sick for four hundred days in a row.”

Now, let me go a few steps further. Imagine that almost no one knew the symptoms of the flu (or take away the obvious ones such as coughing and fever). Pretend very few people knew how to treat the flu. Suppose most people did not recognize you were ailing at all, but continually told you to “cheer up” and/or “keep your chin up” or some other nonsense that didn’t help you a bit. You have unexplained pains and fatigue. You probably have GI problems and most of all, you can’t think straight more than half the time. But, no one understands you or your problems which frustrates you to no end.

Throw in the fact you don’t “get over” depression in a week or two but usually carry it with you for several years and you have an idea, just an inkling of what depression is like.

Depression is not “just the blues.” It is not “short-term.” But, there is help out there. The depressed person just has to look a lot harder than someone with the flu.


Related articles


Sorry about that last post – now deleted

I originally checked in to explain my eight-day absence, but when I saw what had occurred on my blog, I became upset.

I’m angry and frustrated someone or something else (botnet?) wrote a post on my account without my permission. I am very sorry for the post on June 2, 2013 which is now deleted. It was not written or copied by me, nor would I willingly allow something like that on my blog.

From the “related articles” (Zemanta), I found I’m not alone. “Botnets” attacked thousands of WordPress blogs and apparently broke into hundreds of them. Perhaps the guides below will help others who had the same problem.

I suggest we install a security step which seems extremely simple to me. Why not build in a challenge question? You know the ones you have to answer before getting your password reset and/or sent to you in an email. We could choose a  question that no one else is likely to guess and be required to answer it before publishing a post. On the other hand, why isn’t there already a “Prove you are a human” challenge on WordPress? They are on almost every other website I ever visit.


Email Addresses


A lot of you have asked for my email address. I hoped there was a widget to put it on the side, but I didn’t find one.

Below are my three main email addresses, but please only use one of them. (I actually have more. No, I don’t know why.) Replies will come from the “” address because it’s the main account on Microsoft Outlook.