Tied in Knots

Tied in Knots – originally written Aug. 14, 2009

I fidget – a lot. Most of the time, I fool with with my hair. I braid it, twirl it, tug on it and sometimes twist or tie it into knots. That’s what I’ve been doing all morning and that’s what I did for three (3) or more hours last night. It would help if I showered and washed my hair, but only for a little while. As soon as I sat down to watch TV or something, I’d be fidgeting with it again. Even when I put it in a pony tail or wear a bandana over it, I still find ways to mess it up. I’ve even had to go get one knot CUT OUT by a beautician because I couldn’t un-knot it myself! I’ve tried several other things such as playing with rubberbands or a stress ball, but nothing stops me for long.

I need to do something productive that will distract me from always fiddling around with my hair. I’ve thought about learning to knit and I have at least one latch-hook project (I think) but, again, I would probably not stick to it!

I need a purpose! I’m not just talking about something to do such as washing dishes or doing other housework – because I hate housework! I need a real purpose, a goal other than taking care of other people or even other pets. What I need is a job outside the house or else I need to physically go to school!

Now, that may sound drastic or even crazy to some people, but I need the structure. I need someone else to tell me what to do and when to do it. I need a schedule and/or deadlines. I need a reason to stay up even on days when my stomach hurts or I’m extremely tired and most of all, I need a reason to take a shower other than my hair being dirty.

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